At first I felt a whole lot of excitement mixed with fear. I was ready for a new chapter, a new beginning. Now, six months later - the fear is settling with every new day and every gracious victory. And I am totally fine with that. One can not live in fear for very long. Somehow you adjust.
But what disturbs me, is the "looking back" is overtaking the excitement. I long for what once was. I miss, regret and cry sometimes too. It slows me down and distracts me from Now. How can I not look back? What has been, is what I am now.
So it was, during a moment of reminiscing that I started feeling guilty. Here I am, living a dream, learning, experiencing and ... living in the past! What a waste of time. And then it came to me: Let go of shame, not the past. The past is no worse than today or tomorrow. The past is only destructive if you add feelings like shame, longing, regret and un-forgiveness.
So, I started the list:
Excuses for "living in the past" - guilt free!
Do some genealogy
Celebrate a birthday, anniversary etc.
Applaud milestones made and goals reached
Write a letter to a long lost friend
Marvel at all that you have learned and share it with someone
Learn about your country's history (or the country you happen to live in at this exact moment)
Page through pictures and scrapbooks (it might just make you smile)
Browse through an antique store or do a furniture makeover
Listen to and/or record family stories told by one of your loved ones
Take pictures of rundown buildings, cars etc.
Remember the good times
Forgive
Forgive yourself
"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers form glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future." Elder Holland
